Oral Hygiene
by PrincezzShortie
Summary: This a fic written for an ACHOO story challenge.. I think it is pretty funny. Please r/r. :D


Oral Hygiene  
By: Taylor Lynzie  
  
  
  
Authors Note: Hello there. This was a result from an ACHOO story challenge fic. I got 3rd place so not to bad! :) Hope you like it! Please read and review. For those of you who are waiting for my second installment of: The Magic Begins to be released. I assure I am almost done! The wait was due to a horrible case of writer's block but I am done...just waiting to hear back from my beta-reader.   
  
Disclaimer: Taylor Lynzie is not affiliated with JK Rowling, Bloomsbury Publishing, Scholastic Books, Warner Bros., or anyone associated with the "Harry Potter" series. It is not endorsed by any of the aforementioned parties. Rights to the characters and their likenesses are neither claimed nor implied.   
  
Voldemort sat on his throne with his legs dangling over the side he was utterly bored.  
"Wormmmmtailllll," he whined childishly, "I-I mean Wormtail," the dark lord said while pulling his legs back over his throne and resumed his evil tone. "I am utterly bored and I want you to go fetch me my Crest toothpaste and toothbrush,"  
  
"Bu-but sir, we are all out of Crest, you used it all yesterday when you were utterly bored, all we have is A-aquafresh." Wormtail moaned hopelessly   
  
"What did you say Wormtail?"  
  
"I-I s-said we only have Aquafresh...your dark lordliness,"  
  
"I give you a strong silver arm and all you give me is Aquafresh? I am ashamed with you Wormtail, CRUICO!" be bellowed  
  
After a few very painful seconds, Wormtail could talk again, "I can go g-g-get you C-c-crest, your dark l-l-lo-lordliness," Wormtail sobbed  
  
"Thank you Wormtail," he replied pleasantly  
  
The Dark Lord may not understand love, compassion, or hope but he does understand the importance of oral hygiene.   
  
***   
  
  
15 minutes later when Voldemort was happily brushing his teeth, he suddenly stopped and examined his pearly whites, "Look at my perfect teeth Wormtail, look at them! Do you know what would make this moment better?  
  
"Yes I do master!" and with that, he broke into an American hip-hop dance while singing Madonna.   
  
"NO BAILE O CANTE, por favor!" Voldemort yelled with his hands tightly clamped over his ears.  
  
"Yes master, however I have a question, where did you learn Spanish?"  
  
"I just spoke Spanish?" the dark lord said getting a little excited, "I mean of course I spoke Spanish, I must of picked it up when I killed all those Spanish muggles last Tuesday," Voldemort said calmly as if he were talking about the weather. "What WOULD make this perfect," the dark lord said in the middle of flossing, "would be if we had a death eater family reunion. Wormtail, give me your arm!"  
  
"O-ok m-master," Wormtail blubbered.   
  
As Wormtail made is way over to Lord Voldemort he started shaking so bad that he could hardly walk...the dark lord pulled him the rest of the way and pulled up the sleeve of his left arm and touched the dark mark, it burned black and Wormtail wailed.  
  
***  
  
5 minutes later all the death eaters had assembled but one.  
  
"Where is that idiot death eater? What is his name again, oh ya Stupi." All of a suddenly there was a small pop and Stupi arrived.   
  
"I am so sorry Voldie but I..." before he could finish Voldemort broke in.  
  
"Don't call me Voldie! And why are you wearing a lot of make-up?"  
  
"Doesn't a man get to choose what he does with his life?" Stupi asked Voldemort   
  
"I guess, anyway I have ordered this meeting because I want to assemble some more muggle killings I'm getting bored waiting for Harry Potter to fall in my clutches again."  
  
"As the great Benjamin Franklin once said: Kill no more pigeons than you can eat." Stupi said   
  
"Pigeons? Why the heck would I want to eat a pigeon?"  
  
"I am referring to humans...VOLDIE"  
  
"Its VOLDEMORT, DARK LORD, MASTER, WHATEVER JUST DON'T CALL ME VOLDIE!" the dark lord bellowed  
  
"Whatever you say...**cough**voldie**cough**"  
  
"CRUCIO!"  
  
"Ow...that hurt...Voldie!"  
  
"CRUCIO!"  
  
"Stop it! That really hurts Voldie,"  
  
"God won't you just shut up? CRUCIO,"  
  
"Benjamin Franklin once said: Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain and most fools do. I agree with him, that quote fits you perfect Voldie!"  
  
"CRU... wait why am I wasting my breath on you Stupi? AVADA KEDVRA!" he bellowed and Stupi fell to the ground in a blast of green light but one word escaped his lips...Voldie.   
  
  
***  
  
"Wormtail it's been a long day, fetch my Crest toothpaste." The dark lord said looking very tired indeed.   
  
"Yes of course Voldie-mort, yes of course Voldemort."  
  
When Wormtail came back, Voldemort started brushing his teeth thinking about what tomorrow would bring.   
  
  
  
  



End file.
